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This
untitled poem was written by an old woman who died in a nursing home.
She had tucked t away, for the nurses to find after her death. It
contains a message for all of us - though she left few material possessions
behind, this record of a woman's feelings is a unique treasure.
What do you see,
nurses, what do you see?
What do you think
when you're looking at me?
A crabby old
woman, not very wise,
Uncertain of
habit, with faraway eyes,
Who dribbles her
food and makes no reply,
When you say
in a loud voice, "I do wish you'd try,"
Who seems not
to notice the things that you do,
And forever is
losing a stocking or shoe,
Who, resisting
or not, must do as you will.
Is that what
you're thinking, is that what you see?
Then open your
eyes, nurse, your not looking at me.
I'll tell you
who I am as I sit here so still,
As I do your
bidding, as I eat at your will.
I'm a small child
of ten with a father and mother,
Brothers and
sisters who love one another;
A young girl of
sixteen with wings on her feet,
Dreaming that
soon now a lover she'll meet;
A bride soon
at twenty - my heart gives a leap,
Remembering the
vows that I promised to keep;
At twenty-five
now I have young of my own
Who need me to
build a secure, happy home;
A woman of thirty,
my young growing fast,
Bound to each
other with ties that should last;
At forty, my sons
have grown and are gone,
But my man is
beside me to see I don't mourn;
At fifty, once
more babies play round my knee;
Again we know
children, my Loved one and me.
Dark days are
upon me, my husband is dead.
I look to the
future; I shudder with dread.
For my young
are all rearing young of their own,
And I think of
the years and the loved that I've known.
I'm an old woman
and nature is cruel,
'Tis her jest
to make old age look like a fool.
The body, it
crumbles; grace and vigor depart.
There now is
a stone where I once had a heart.
But inside this
old carcass a young girl still dwells,
And now and again
my battered heart swells,
I remember the
joys. I remember the pain,
And I'm loving
and living life over again.
I think of the
years, all too few gone too fast,
And accept the
stark fact that nothing can last.
So open your
eyes, nurse, open and see.
Not a crabby
old woman; look closer - see ME!
~ HOSPICE OF FRESNO